Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
