Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
