I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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