I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize