Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
