I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
