Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
