I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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