I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize