If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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