At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
