Acid is not a monday night drug
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
