I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
