My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize