im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
sarcasm needs its own font
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
