ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
