it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
