apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
