just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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