apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
