u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
