I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
