awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
