I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
