Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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