you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
