your parents love me but you hate me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize