But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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