I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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