I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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