Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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