There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
