I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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