I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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