My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
