At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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