i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize