She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
