sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
