grandma shit on top of the toilet
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dick very happy bro
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