I seem to have left my pride at pride
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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