We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
