I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
