I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
