I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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