Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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