Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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