she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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