Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Send help, water and tortillas.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
