There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's rum buckets o'clock
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
