I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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