Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
