In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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