Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
