what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
