Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
