Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
