You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
