i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Someone shattered a urinal.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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