i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
