I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
