i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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