This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
