Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
