Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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