Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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