this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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