So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
