I want to make a zoo with you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
