i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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