I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
