that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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