whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
