So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
