How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
