12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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