Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
