Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
