The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
