Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
